Wonderful performance of the free-write exercise. It's amazing to see the variegated array of language that emerged from such a short time. What if this was a daily or weekly exercise?
"the thrill of breaking your first bone" - a really eerie phrase that can be culled for a lot of intellectual fodder
"a choking layer of pollen" - very visceral because the pollen becomes a living threat.
"a non-existent breeze" - breeze seems to already contain non-existence (in a phenomenological sense). Perhaps some dissonance would help, i.e. "stalker breeze" or "pervert breeze".
"X-Games BMX rider come to a very impressive wheelie halt as one of the thousand campus cats strutted into his path." - great language! (Personal non sequitur: I miss watching the X-Games. Are they still good?)
For a a future exercise you should completely embody the character, that is, take on her voice and perspective. For example, describe the cars the girl sees in her own words.
Keep it up Drika!
No comments:
Post a Comment