Response to Kelsey's Improv "Don't Lie," Week 9.
This revision is a great improvement!
The reduction of the abstract child thieves to a specific figure adds specificity, albeit the fact that the "volunteer teacher" character could be made more specific. The description of this character and his/her normalcy reveals the "quiet brutality" (the unseen, unnoticed, terror) of child abuse. The litany of roles gives also adds a wonderful richness to the piece. In addition, the "clay" analogy fits perfectly. Play-Doh could also serve the function, while providing language that is both architectural and eerily familiar.
"They are a master of hide and seek" seems awkward grammatically, and supports my argument for honing in on a paricular person qua thief. "He is a master of hide of seek" would be an example of such a revision.
"Halloween is every day" is visceral and captures, subtly, the subject.
For a future revision, I would suggest increasing the specificity some more, and developing dissonant phrases like "quiet brutality".
Good job Kelsey!
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