Free Entry 2, Week 10

Tortured Virgin

I'm walking to the market in Bethlehem on the red clay paths where the

Nazarene mad man roams, where people dump their excreta.

My stomach hurts like Sheol, so I place use my right hand to hold it

from bottom, spreading my thighs and staggering like blind old Zechariah.

These clay back-roads save me from the jeers of the damned children

who poke my belly singing "Messiah Baby? Whore Mother!"

Classmate Response 2, Week 9

Response to Drika's Free Entry.

Wonderful performance of the free-write exercise. It's amazing to see the variegated array of language that emerged from such a short time. What if this was a daily or weekly exercise?

"the thrill of breaking your first bone" - a really eerie phrase that can be culled for a lot of intellectual fodder

"a choking layer of pollen" - very visceral because the pollen becomes a living threat.

"a non-existent breeze" - breeze seems to already contain non-existence (in a phenomenological sense). Perhaps some dissonance would help, i.e. "stalker breeze" or "pervert breeze".

"X-Games BMX rider come to a very impressive wheelie halt as one of the thousand campus cats strutted into his path." - great language! (Personal non sequitur: I miss watching the X-Games. Are they still good?)

For a a future exercise you should completely embody the character, that is, take on her voice and perspective. For example, describe the cars the girl sees in her own words.

Keep it up Drika!

Classmate Response 1, Week 9

Response to Kelsey's Improv "Don't Lie," Week 9.

This revision is a great improvement!

The reduction of the abstract child thieves to a specific figure adds specificity, albeit the fact that the "volunteer teacher" character could be made more specific. The description of this character and his/her normalcy reveals the "quiet brutality" (the unseen, unnoticed, terror) of child abuse. The litany of roles gives also adds a wonderful richness to the piece. In addition, the "clay" analogy fits perfectly. Play-Doh could also serve the function, while providing language that is both architectural and eerily familiar.

"They are a master of hide and seek" seems awkward grammatically, and supports my argument for honing in on a paricular person qua thief. "He is a master of hide of seek" would be an example of such a revision.

"Halloween is every day" is visceral and captures, subtly, the subject.

For a future revision, I would suggest increasing the specificity some more, and developing dissonant phrases like "quiet brutality".

Good job Kelsey!

Junkyard Quote(s) 2-4, Week 9

"The whole white race is a monster who is always hungry and what he eats is land."

-Chiksika - a war chief of the Kispoko division of the Shawnee Nation

"In war, the kill some of us; we shall destroy all of them."

-Thomas Jefferson

"a tortured virgin, a pregnant woman"

-Saidiya Hartman

Junkyard Quote 1, Week 9

"haunted by figures of the unassirmlable, the exceptions to the democracy without exceptions" (Warren Montag - Bodies, Masses, Power, 86).

Reading Response 1, Week 8

After reading Ch.3 of Writing Poetry, I have started noticing the philosophical nature of Davidson and Fraser's approach to, analysis of, poetry. The introduction of concepts such as "self" and "other" are interesting because they emerge from the work of Hegelian metaphysics, and more strikingly post-modern and post-structuralist theory. The notion that the "poems reside in the space between what has come before and what has yet to appear" may seem intuitive to some, but that is only because post-structuralist/post-modern theory qua Foucaldian and post-Hegelian thought is so pervasive in the academe and contemporary "common-sense", to borrow Gramsci's term (Writing Poetry, 47). However, if the claim that language should be (is always already) blurred appears controversial, this is perhaps because this insight and approach to the poetic is just that.

The assumption that we should shy away from asserting meaning in reading and writing poetry reminds me of the work of Jeremy Fernando, a contemporary philosopher at the European Graduate School. Fernando's work on relationality and poetry is striking because it asserts that "any relationship must always already carry with it the unknown, and possibly always unknowable" (On Love and Poetry) In other words, when reading poetry (the other) we should shy from asserting meaning, because this will erase the enigma. It is an effacement of alterity. To put it more finely, since love is blind, to love the poem you must it with eyes close. When approaching the palimpsest of the poetic we should be blind "to not only the subject of the encounter—the self—but also of the very object of that encounter, the “you”—all that can be said is that there is an encounter" (On Love and Poetry). This applies to the writing and reading process. The figure of the blind Cupid should b always already be the figure of the writer and writer. The Davidsonian is always already the post-structuralist qua post-modern.

Rant complete. Catharsis achieved.

Calisthenics 1, Week 9

I am here practicing the 'call and response' in Ch. 3. I tried to synthesize various journal entries in the hopes that comical juxtapositions would arise.

She has long droopy breasts, not perky
like a teen girl in a porno lick,
but not flabby granny-breasts - deflated balloons,
nipples still succulent, with a wide dark-brown areola, perfect radii.
Why so serious Dick? Does female sexuality scare you?

Toss them overboard, for the fish in the bowl.
Insurance money, check. Food in the bowl.
6lb carne de puerco salada burrito.

Everyone dead, throats crushed, water-gnash-larynx,
no more laughter, drifting away, too long.
I got the Bible and the Gun. One of these is gon’ work!

Calisthenics 2, Week 8

Revision of a Calisthenic from earlier this week based on Damiyr's comments.

When I keep up with the Kardashians, I usually place my notebook on my lap, one hand on the rubber of the inkjet, and the other in the crevice between the DVR remote's pause and play buttons. Kim has taught a great deal since she authored her magnum opus with that Brandy's little brother who sings R&B. She took a risk, like my creative writing teacher always says, and de-familiarized the female body. She must have practiced a lot for those scenes, and spent time researching for the script. My face always turns reddish pink when I watch the final scene, my lips arching up and dimples sinking in. Last week my husband walked into living room when I was watching it, and asked me, with his cement-face, why I watched this every Thursday. I turned around, stared in his eyes, and asked him "why so serious Billy? Does female sexuality scare you?"

When I was seven or eight my mom used to drag me to her AA meetings on Thursdays. Afterwards we would go to her friend Stacy's house, and I'd watch two re-runs of Will and Grace while they went to talk in the bedroom. Sometimes I'd pick a book from the shelf by the TV. I preferred the bell hooks and Audre Lorde books because they had nice covers and talked about women and freedom. When mom and Stacy were done talking they would always laugh at what I was reading. They didn't think I understood the big words like feminism or gender or transgression. But, I did.

Classmate Response 2, Week 8

Response to Daniel's junk.

This is a great piece of junk because it is so uncanny, visceral and candid. I riffed on this image and came up with something interesting.

"Revealing the unflattering gut of the average salvadorian woman"


I made a single vertical cut from the eve's apple
to just beneath the belly button,
and used my trusty saw-tooth clamp to hold
her tummy open, her flabby lovehandles drooping
onto the brutally silent table.
I scooped, weighed, then tested, her food
and scribbled "6lb carne de puerco salada burrito
- few hours - no foul play"
in my journal.

“Improv”-ing/imitation 1, Week 8

This is an impov/riff based on Katie Chaple's "Returning Madame Bovary"

"After all, isn't that what we all want:
to be pursed with single-minded urgency?
to have customers, lovers, readers
who are like the man who's been sitting in prison
for ten years with only his mother and blonde cousin for visitors?
To have him reach through the bars
to what's past them-
the female prison guard who lingers,
studies her nails, counts floor tiles,
like she's waiting for something
more than the end of the shift?"

The end of the world - what he wants
or what wants him - till the 5pm bee buzz
blare bursting baby bubbles.
As she escorts him to his suite, with his leg bracelets
clanking, he wonders: is this just a fling - will we last?

Classmate Response 1, Week 8

Response Damiyr's Calisthenic.

This is an interesting approach to modularity. I am happy that you employed this technique after the class discussion. The words reach out the screen creating a visceral reaction that "prick[s]" and alerts me. In a way each word and syllable alerts its predecessor and successor, igniting the entire piece like magnolias in spring. I would recommend trying to stay away from words like murder, because they are already visceral. Doing this will force you to create the modular intensity yourself.

Below is my riff off your modulart.

murmurmurmur
inbetweenteensheat
proudBLACKteensproud
prickwhiteroticurlgirlfast
murmurmurmur
breakoutfastfastbreakout
quartertwomidnightdaybreakfast
rumurumurumr

Calisthenics 1, Week 8

In Class Exercise: Reversal

I'm keeping up with the Kardashians with my notebook on my lap, one hand on the rubber of the inkjet, and the other in the crevice between the DVR remote's pause and play buttons. Lesson Number One: How to achieve success and happiness. Kim has taught a great deal since she authored her magnum opus with that Brandy's little brother who sings R&B. She took a risk, like my creative writing teacher always says, and de-familiarized the female body. I read somewhere that she drew upon the work of Judith Butler before writing the script. That made me smile.

When I was seven or eight my mom used to drag me to her AA meetings. Afterwards we would go to her friend Stacy's house, and I'd watch two re-runs of Will and Grace while they went to talk in the bedroom. Sometimes I'd pick a book from the shelf by the TV. I preferred the bell hooks and Audre Lorde books because they had nice covers and talked about women and freedom. When mom and Stacy were done talking they would always laugh at what I was reading. They didn't think I understood the big words like feminism or gender or transgression. But, I did.

Junkyard Quote(s) 1-4, Week 8

"T-Bag is going to see his Mama!"

Dr. Lloyd Lowery, Breakout Kings

Some machines are just broken. You're a broken machine

Dr. Lloyd Lowery, Breakout Kings

"The tradition of all dead generations weighs like a nightmare on the brains of the living. "

Karl Marx

"Every morning when I awake I ask myself whether I should write or blow up a dam. I tell myself I should keep writing, though I'm not sure that's right"

Derrick Jensen

Free Entry 1, Week 8

T-Bag Goes to See His Mama

He staggered past the attendance desk,
120 yards away from Mrs. Bagwell's room,
with the wound above his right ribcage
leaking out the upper lobe and happily collapsing his lung.
It is a quiet testimony to Theodore's physical fitness
that he was able to make it 104 more yards,
ahead of the donuts-smuggling rental cop,
before dropping on to his belly -
arms outstretched, fingers reaching for her - Michelangelo-style.

Classmate Response 2, Week 7

Response to Guillem's Calisthenic.

This piece is interesting because you have abstracted away from the original details and created a scene that is mysterious yet comprehensible. "Between a ghost town and a village" is great phrasing because it stretches to encompass several meanings, both the literal (geographical) and metaphorical. The lines "their home not jet black space / but the flesh of a child" is captivating because it flirts well with the macabre.

For a future draft, I would recommend increasing the level of specificity and elaborating the specific scene. Who is this character Augusta, and this cat? How can we de-familiarize the cat, and create new fodder for the ghost town?

Calisthenics 2, Week 7

The beginning of the contraction process using some language from a free-write session. Below are lines reworked into another free-write with a working title.

"See-through boys playing cement hockey without stopping to let cars by."

Wazoo is where I grew up, after we left
slimy tangerine E-Town,
We lived just past the Shymalan retirement homes,
five miles behind Ariel, the stocky five-year old with Nike-black hair,
who would hide and seek with me in the ice cream aisle,
while I avoided slinkies.
My sister Caitlin and I brought our hamsters,
Chocolate, Cocoa, and Milk
back to life dancing on
bright pogo sticks.
After five months or so,
I spent most of my time in dad's faded blue Navy cot,
straining to peer past my Styrofoam sky,
thinking about our cat that tried to kill me when I was ten.

Calisthenics 1, Week 7

This is my freewrite from the in-class Q & A session.

My family moved from slimy tangerine E-Town to St. Charles, with its Shymalan retirement homes, where I baby-sat Ariel, the stocky five-year old with Nike-black hair. Every afternoon we would walk to Wazoo, where there was only a store and a street, and hide and seek in the ice cream aisle, why ile I avoided the slinkies. Every night in St. Charles, I stare up at my glow in the dark stars thinking about the times Caitlin brought our hamsters back to life, and wondering what we're all trying to figure out. Where does it all lead? Is there a ghost town past the sky like Wazoo where kids with wings play tag football without stopping to let cars through? Are Chocolate, Cocoa, and Milk giddy on bright pogo sticks somewhere past the patterns on my Styrofoam sky? What about that cat that tried to kill me when I was ten?