This is a response to Kay's Free Entry.
Hey Kay.
This text is captivating because the introduction is uncanny. The detailed description is a great example of micro-specificity - taking an object and describing it in great detail. This is a technique I want to employ. How does one apply micro-specificity to a person's face? Secondarily, the narrator's ruminations about her boyfriend's gaming is clearly shown, without devolving to simple explanation. The text allows me to fill in the details about the tensions in the room.
For a next draft, I would suggest that the game being played be described in more detail (as April has noted above). I also suggest that other scenes be created to display the narrator's OCD quirks, and relation to her boyfriend or other individuals. What are more details like the "dried blood color" around the room?
Keep it up.
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