Classmate Response 2, Week 2

This is a response to Kelsey's Free Entry.

Great entry!

Two great features:

1. The move to create distance between yourself and the character successfully allows it "to become more of a story". This technique is one that I will now employ more often.
2. Your detailed description of the room, the space, the setting, works well and is cinematic. The specificity you provide is great. Details about the "girl [who] was pouring a Crystal Light packet", and Maggie's weaving through "the mass of scattered, abandoned chairs," creates a vivid picture of the scene. The rich motif is also strengthened by your description of the cleverly named "Mrs. I-Don’t-Have-Earphones".

Two possible points for future development:

1. Describe "Mrs. I-Don’t-Have-Earphones" in greater detail. What is her demeanor as everyone stares at her in dismay? How should I picture her? Is she sweaty from a workout? Is this why she is about to consume a bottle of Crystal Light flavored water?
2. Try writing the story from your perspective. I think Tobias Wolff's "Next Door" is a great example of the potential of such an approach. It allows the reader to directly insert him/herself into the story, and more easily imagine and grasp the emotions that reverberate in that classroom.

Keep it up!